Teams

Meet the teams! The winners and losers of the league. The long-running competitors. Some of us are newcomers. Others have been here since the leagues conception. All of us have a story to tell.

Aston Dookey

Max Milo

Once again, our former champion is back to stake his claim in the league. Teacher by day, grinder by night, Max shows up to each draft with his suit-and-tie set up, Justin Timberlake style, to let his students know that class is in session. When Max isn't dominating the fantasy gridiron, he's daydreaming about New York city, or listening to Fred Again. He looks to defend his hardware this year.

Patty Cake

Zion Manuel & Shadique Badji

The first champ to receive the trophy, the inaugural class, the originator. Zion's had a history of facing fantasy adversity, barely flossing a championship win with a garbage poop team last year. This past season? Not so lucky. Now he's enlisted the help of newcomer Deek to brush the rust off his team. So far this strategy seems to be paying off, as this duo is absolutely cleaning the competition. The Z-Diggy and Deekster Duo look to make an impression on the league once again. Did we mention he's a dentist??

Evil Empire

Will Breon

Gordon Gekko. Scarface. Thanos. Will's idols, who he really models his fantasy game after. Known for fleecing leaguemates in trades and collecting dusty old players, Will's not afraid to take risks and make big moves. As shown by his 4 championship wins and 5 appearances, his strategies usually pay off. We all love when the empire crumbles, but does it ever really stay down?

Shieldsy Show

Mike Shields

There are few things the entire group chat truly agrees on. But far and above, the primary consensus is that we HATE MIKE. Fantasy* Mike, that is. Year round, Mike's just an absolute class-act, stand-up guy. But during fantasy football season? Never prayed for another person's downfall any more. Just LOOK at how smug he looks!!! Sadly, Mike historically has been the winningest player in our league. For all the hate we give, you gotta tip the cap! Dude knows ball! Mike's looking to chase another chip to add to his collection.

BenDover

Jon Pisocki

Mr. Worldwide Himself! Jon is another historically high-winning manager. Don't let his recent season blunders fool you - this year he's back to the attack. Is there something in the water in Washington that wasn't there in Utah?? Whether it's the new move, the Brittany-moment haircut, or the occasional chainsmoke session, Jon looks primed for a top tier finish and a strong playoff run once again.

Under Rayted

Ray Saunders

Good brotha, good brotha! Ziiiioooooooonnnnnnn. Ray's another powerhouse fantasy manager that knows ball. Aside from getting absolutely decked with injuries, Ray's had a strong season. Known for making Jordan look like prime Tom Brady throwing to Randy Moss in flag, Ray looks to bring that same dominance over to fantasy football and continue his upward trend to victory.

Freako Collins

Jesse Schuhart

Last year's bottom of the totem pole was that boy Jesse! Personally, I think that punishment of the hot chip lit a fire under him. Sadly, literally. But since then, Jesse has drafted a solid squad and has climbed to the top of the rankings. Unfortunately, Jesse's team has also caught the injury-illness, as just about every player he drafted for success has faced an injury. Even more recently, players he's traded for! I'm sorry Jesse, but someone out there does not want to see you win! Prove them wrong!

Njorkin my peener

Jordan Johnston

The tallest member of Jordan Cubed, JJ has made his mark on the league. Joining in 2022, he's placed 5th two years in a row. Talk about consistency! But he's got a tall order (not a pun) as JJ hopes to break the Mike Tomlin curse, and travel into the playoffs to take his team to new heights!(okay maybe a pun).

Saquon Barkley Enthusiast

Jordan Adelman

All rise, the honorable Commissioner Jordan has entered. Jordan has simultaneously some of the most football knowledge in this group, and the least luck. After taking a loss to Zion in the championship in an absolute Vanderbilt-Alabama style upset two years ago, Jordan has pledged to take back what was once (almost) his. In order to prevent a loss like this again, Jordan increased his fantasy-league count from 5 to 273, drafting Eagles players in 272 of those. Will this be the league he takes home the gold?

Gibby

Kenny Weir

Yours truly. Known for getting fleeced by Will in trades, selling his best players for dog food, and attempting a team rebuild every year in Week 12, Kenny might be the worst manager in league history. The only other leaguemate competing for that title is no longer with us. Another team rocked by injuries (I will use that excuse till the end of the season), Kenny attempts to make the playoffs for maybe the second time in his fantasy tenure. Now accepting donations to make that a reality!

Ruggs driving class

Jordon Halsey & Elyaas Benson

Halsey and Ebaaaaaby. The youngest team in the league, Halsey joined last year and made his mark by placing 9th, just barely missing the playoffs in his first season. This year, he enlisted the help of fan-favorite EB. Despite leaving the draft early with a Questionable tag, then being ruled Out due to illness, EB woke up and decided he wanted a piece in the playoff run Halsey was cooking up. These two have a strong chemistry, and plan to make their presence known.

Let's Go Golfing

Brennan Miller

Let's go golfing, indeed! But what Brennan didn't realize is that golfing would lead to a certain wrist ailment - the very same ailment that afflicted another leaguemate, causing Brennan to inherit his horrible fantasy skills! Sorry Brennan, the torch has been passed (I'm coping very badly)! Brennan's another manager who regularly puts out strong fantasy seasons. And like other managers, things have just gone outright wrong for his team. He hopes to bounce back and land in the playoffs as planned once again.

The Need for Snead

Tiki Patel & Tim Metzler

Before the season, it was theorized that Tiki's use of an iPad when drafting gave him special powers, and helped him draft a better team. It was also theorized that Tim was the one dragging Tiki's team down, preventing him from fantasy football excellence...... Neither of these theories were true. After a brief hiatus as a free agent, Tim was recruited by Tiki right as the season began, signing him to a lifetime contract. The season since has been far from enticing. Between the duo, the football knowledge and know-how is there. But can they take that knowledge and turn it into a win?

The Promised Land

Jacob Leitner

But it was anything BUT 'The Promised Land'... Last but certainly not least in our player profiles, we have Jacob. What started out as a solid draft, Jacobs heat-seeking-piss-missile for Christian McCaffrey would ultimately be his downfall. For Jacob's team, it seems like a case of 'anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong'. As horrible as his current team is, it's greatly worth mentioning that Jacob is tied with Mike for the winningest manager in league history, both with the Average Finishing Position of 4th Place, even making the championship just last season! While that denotes that this season is but a mere stain on his record of excellence, it doesn't make the fall from grace any less crushing...